Breaking the Cycle: How Restorative Practices Counter Shame, Stigma, and Harm in Schools
“To build community requires vigilant awareness of the work we must continually do to undermine all the socialization that leads us to behave in ways that perpetuate domination.” ~bell hooks
The stigmatization of marginalized groups has always been a part of American society. What some people derisively call “Woke” is actually an understanding that stigmatization is harmful. Now, with the vilification of DEI and “Wokeness,” stigmatization is once again being normalized in American society.
Our schools are not immune from this disturbing normalizing of stigma. Certain groups are particularly vulnerable, including those who identify as LGBTQ+, or who are from Black and Brown communities, Muslim and Jewish communities, and immigrants among others.
Stigmatization in schools arises from discriminatory attitudes, stereotypes, and behaviors that lead to students feeling devalued and marginalized. Students can be stigmatized for a variety of reasons, from the clothes they wear, to their sexual identity, to their race or religion. Human development tells us that in adolescence, peer acceptance and social belonging are highly important for self-esteem and identity formation. Adolescents tend to be highly sensitive to the opinions of their peers, which can lead to a fear of being judged or ostracized for perceived differences or struggles. Furthermore, social media can amplify negative stereotypes and contribute to a climate of stigma. Youth living with socially devalued characteristics (minority sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, disability, obesity) experience frequent stigma-based bullying, leading to feelings of shame.
Walt Odets, author of Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men’s Lives names shame as the most destructive outcome of stigmatization. It undermines wellbeing and academic achievement, with lifelong consequences.
As compared to other negative feelings, shame is unique. Shame does not only occur when one realizes they’ve done something wrong; it is also triggered when an otherwise positive experience is interrupted. Think about a time you were working on something, feeling happy and content—then a colleague, friend, or partner snapped at you; that innate, negative reaction to the interruption is shame. As we grow older and have more experience, we may be able to move past the shame more quickly and regulate our emotions without ruining our day. However, no matter one’s age, that initial feeling of shame can then lead to or exacerbate other negative feelings, such as anger, anxiety, and worthlessness. This understanding explains why a person who has experienced harm may feel shame, even when it is clear that they were in no way at fault for what happened to them.
These responses are shown in the compass of shame, which P2RC has adapted from Donald Nathanson’s Shame and Pride.
When children display destructive or challenging behaviors, adults have an opportunity to check in, ask questions, seek to understand, provide empathy, and strengthen their connection with them. Traditional school discipline, however, further marginalizes students who are already in need of more belonging, more connection, and more empathy in our schools. Research shows that students in marginalized groups are disciplined disproportionately including LGBTQ+, Black students, and students with disabilities among others.
So, how do we reduce disciplinary actions against marginalized students? When students are connected to peers and adults and feel physically and emotionally safe in their school environment, they are less likely to act out. Restorative Practices focus on the prevention of harmful or disruptive behavior through the use of Community Building Circles, which create positive and supportive student-teacher and peer relationships. This improves overall school climate and reduces actions that lead to stigmatization.
Regular Community Building Circles play a critical part in helping students feel that they are safe and belong in the community. Circles help teachers and students form positive bonds through storytelling, shared experiences, and group problem-solving. This transforms classrooms into supportive spaces where all students can engage in academically and socially productive ways.
The collaborative approach central to responding to harm and misbehavior restoratively requires a culture of trust that is fostered through these ongoing Community Building Circles. Then, when instances of harm do occur, Restorative Chats and Conferences provide a structure for repairing broken relationships. These restorative responses allow those involved to move forward in a supported and positive way. They help the responsible party, the harmed party, and even the community as a whole, to move past the shame and cut off those secondary negative feelings–which in turn reduces negative behaviors further down the road. Addressing harm restoratively not only repairs broken relationships; it also fosters a strong sense of both community and safety.
Just as diet and exercise can mitigate many health risks, Restorative Practices can mitigate the risk of engaging in harmful behaviors. The National Center on Safe and Supportive Learning Environments offers these three protective factors as essential elements for building resilience in young people:
Caring relationships
High expectations and academic standards
Opportunities for participation and contribution
Community Building Circles, Academic Circles, and Restorative responses to behavior build up those factors. These tools make actions leading to stigmatization less likely to occur, help students meet any shame they feel when positive experiences are interrupted, allow them to voice their needs when harm does occur, and provide effective ways to make things right.
Bad things happen, and will continue to happen, in people’s lives; this is the nature of being human. And while we cannot guarantee that harm won’t happen, we can work to create more caring and resilient communities where all students have a sense of belonging and connection and can participate fully. However, when stigmatization and harm do occur we can help young people become more resilient in the face of shame. Centering healthy relationships between people is the key to resilience, and Restorative Practices center healthy relationships.
